SMALL SOLDIERS (1998)
A Tiny Glimpse Into Our Terrifying Future
In 1995, TOY STORY, a movie about toys that come to life when humans aren't present, made a huge splash and secured a place in our hearts. The story focused on toys that love to be loved and live to make kids happy. 1998 brought audiences a different kind of toy story. This one was more of a toy nightmare. What if the toys played back and didn't care about kids at all? Enter Joe Dante's SMALL SOLDIERS.
I was 13 when SMALL SOLDIERS came out in theaters. I had fond memories of it as a fun and silly film and was happy to revisit it for Doll-O-Ween. What I found was a movie that was still lots of fun and is as prescient as ever in 2023. Topics like corporate monopolies, the militarization of civilian life, A.I., and even a little touch of existentialism all reside in this movie that can't decide whether it's for kids or adults. SMALL SOLDIERS is more of a treat now that it was in 1998.
If you haven't seen it, SMALL SOLDIERS is about military toys whose mission it is to destroy the peaceful Gorgonites, another set of toys programmed to be the enemy. All the toys come to life with the help of an AI microchip, and they wreak havoc upon two families who get caught in the middle.
The casting is excellent. Phil Hartman, Kevin Dunn, and Kirsten Dunst are notables as members of the two families. The voice casting for the toys is superb. Tommy Lee Jones voices the lead commando toy Chip Hazard while Frank Langella voices the lead Gorgonite, Archer. The rest of the commandos are voiced by the actors from 1967's THE DIRTY DOZEN. The remaining Gorgonites are voiced by the cast of 1984's THIS IS SPINAL TAP. This casting goes a long way in giving the commandos big and psychotic personalities, and the Gorgonites a very real sense of warmth and dignity. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci also step in to voice the Gwendy dolls for an extra dose of girlie. Dick Miller, a regular in Dante's films, makes a welcomed appearance as delivery driver Joe. David Cross, Denis Leary, and Jay Mohr round out the rest of this strong cast.
As a kid watching this for the first time, I didn't truly understand how terrifying these toys really were because it's played for laughs. In the film, the engineer (played by Robert Picardo) mentions that the chips they use can learn and are made to advance the software's mission. For the commandos, their mission is simply to destroy the Gorgonites at all costs. This includes murdering people who get in the way if they must and, with the ability to learn and think, this makes them a formidable foe. It is no small thing that the commandos make war wagons out of the tools from the garage like a machine gun that shoots nails. One of these is even a motorized chainsaw. A chainsaw..., like killers in horror movies use. The movie doesn't go that far to see what would have happened if it had been used on a person. But, we can imagine enough to know that toy or not, giving anything with murderous intent a working chainsaw is frightening. Power tools weren't the only weapon in these commandos' arsenal either. At one point in the film, the commandos use chemical warfare to poison and kidnap members of the Fimple family. It is honestly chilling when Major Chip Hazard says to the youngest Fimple, “You can be a hostage or a casualty.” It took watching this as an adult to really understand that these toys weren't playing around.
Other aspects of this movie also hit home much harder in 2023. With the rise of Artificial Intelligence being used in even the most benign of industries, it makes the idea of A.I. toys seem that much more realistic. Do you really want a toy that plays back if it means the possibility of it collecting information about you, and in the worst-case scenario like this one, trying to kill you? Is it even a toy at that point if it does all the thinking and talking?
That's what Irwin (David Cross) tries to convince his partner Larry: these aren't toys, they are weapons. Toys require you to use your imagination and actively give yourself over to play. The commandos and Gorgonites with this kind of A.I. power and programming are meant to be reacted to. There's nothing playful about them. At best, they are nearly sentient beings. At worst, they are killers. Then again, that doesn't sound too different from being human, does it? Which is in fact the scariest part of all this. The commandos are out to kill because their programming tells them to do so. Some people just do it because they choose to. Whether it's getting chased by murderous toys or reading the news, the world is a hard place to live in.
Further evidence that this movie is prescient is the presence of a corporation bringing militarization to civilian life. There used to be a time when it was uncommon for civilians to be using military grade weapons and armor. Tactical is a buzzword now for the rising number of doomsday preppers and conspiracy theorists. People don't need military grade in everyday life, but they're slowly being convinced they do through the media and internet. This is nothing but bad news and has truly horrifying repercussions that we sadly see play out in the news. In SMALL SOLDIERS, the company Globotech is very obviously framed as the bad guy for bringing militarization into consumerism, but in real life there seems to be no opposition. If the toys that can be used as weapons don't scare you, this fact should. The world of SMALL SOLDIERS, with its walking talking toys, may be fictional but it's not too far from our own. I'm not saying we need to hide the knives from the Roomba just yet, but hey anything is possible, right?
SMALL SOLDIERS may not be one of Joe Dante's strongest entries, but it is worth a rewatch for its Gulliver's Travels-esque fare, prescient topics, great soundtrack, and solid casting. You might find that you relate to it more now than you did when it first came out. And, if it's your first time watching it, you'll never look at corn holders the same way again.
