What We Do In The Shadows (2016—)

Sexual Vampires And Asexual Fans

The horror genre is filled with infinite story possibilities but there’s still certain trends or “rules” that are followed. Zombies, slashers, werewolves, and more all have their own specific lore. Vampire stories are no exception. Sunlight = bad, sleeping on the soil of the homeland, etc and, while it’s not quite a rule, there is a trend of vampires being very sexual beings. From frequent orgies to multiple wives, vampires are often depicted as suave and romantic sexual beings.

Back in the 1930s, Universal Studios wouldn’t dare show an explicit sex scene in one of their movies but they would still show Bela Lugosi’s Dracula having three beautiful vampire wives at his beck and call.

Cinema is littered with the bloodsoaked orgies of the damned from 2002’s QUEEN OF THE DAMNED, to VAN HELSING in 2004, and even the 2014 comedic vampiric classic that spawned the TV show we’re discussing today, WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS.

Usually if you're watching a movie with your friends, no matter the genre, if a sex scene starts to unfold then you all would probably start to make a joke or several to try and distract from an awkward situation. (If you and your friends are comfortable watching sex scenes together or even porn without commentary or jokes, then you do you, boo.)

If you’re watching a comedy, drama, or horror film and a sex scene comes out of nowhere, it can be awkward to some extent. Even if you’re alone with the movie on you might crack a joke or two to yourself. It can feel like an invasion of such an intimate moment or even just something graphic for which you weren’t quite prepared.

All of gender and sexuality are spectrums filled with grey space, as is asexuality. There’s demisexual (where sexual feelings only develop after feelings of incredibly strong emotional connections are established) to sexual-repulsion—and all sorts of feelings in between. This isn’t me making any sort of attempt to speak for every person who is asexual. This is me speaking from my own perspective of where I have had sex before, but I don’t think or feel like I’ll seek it out anytime soon, if ever.

The vampires in What We Do In The Shadows are all very sexual beings, with the exception of Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch). While the audience may make jokes when they feel awkward during sex scenes, What We Do In The Shadows already makes sex the joke and sort of softens the moments for viewers. Take for example the ninth episode of season one, “The Orgy” in which the house hosts “The Biannual Vampire Orgy”. An episode ENTIRELY about sex and Laszlo’s (Matt Berry) quite extensive career as a porn actor.

In this episode, Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) addresses the camera and tells us that, “I don’t kiss and tell. But what I can tell you is that...I don’t kiss.”

Guillen is an openly gay actor and the character of Guillermo, at the time I’m typing this, hasn’t “come out” in any sort of way on the show.

Maybe he’s gay, after being raised “strictly Catholic”, or maybe even he’s on the asexual spectrum. Perhaps he’s still trying to figure things out for himself; I sure as hell know that I am.

My coming out as asexual was only a recent development, with me coming out to my boyfriend and a few people closer to me back in May of this year. In the grand scheme of my life, it would be like coming out in the eighth season of a series.

The science-fiction and horror genres have had queer and trans subtext since their inceptions (I’m looking at you, Mary Shelley).

Queer sexuality is often talked about over different social media posts/essays/everywhere but the sort of lack-of sexuality that comes along with being asexual is not brought up nearly as often.

When you very first recognize that you might be queer or trans, it’s very easy to find yourself feeling broken. I had accepted myself as queer but as I was beginning to think that I was asexual, it felt like being broken all over again. It was like trying to be human in a house full of vampires.

It’s hard to feel fully welcome and comfortable. It’s hard to feel like there isn’t something wrong with you. The least that those around you can do is help make you laugh and the team of writers working on What We Do In The Shadows have done a damn fine job of that over their first three seasons.