Time To Turn Up The Beef
An Immodest Proposal For A Sequel
I swear I’m not trying to turn this feature into a bunch of fancasting or pitches. Next week’s edition will not have anything to do with ideas for future film projects. But over the weekend, an idea hit me and I decided I want to put it out into the universe.
That’s right—fresh off the heels of being traumatized by her movie mom being devoured by Dalmatians, I propose a mockumentary sequel for Emma Stone. POPSTAR: NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING wasn’t a major financial hit, but has grown in estimation and esteem ever since with a growing number of folks discovering this brilliant comedy that also had some banger music. But fans of the misadventures of Conner4Real and The Style Boyz may forget that Emma Stone is even in the movie. She’s not credited and only shows up momentarily, mostly in service of the larger scene/joke of Conner’s tidal wave of catchphrases.
See? There she is up there. In black and white wardrobe presaging her CRUELLA turn, no less.
Does POPSTAR require a sequel? Honestly, it does not. It’s a straightforward story that’s wrapped up by the end of the film. But does the world need a POPSTAR sequel? I argue yes, emphatically so. It’s probably a hard sell to actually get one made as the original release wasn’t a financial bonanza (it basically only made back half of its money at the box office), but then that’s how The Lonely Island has been rolling. With the exception of PALM SPRINGS (which they produced under their “Lonely Island Classics” banner ), HOT ROD, MACGRUBER, and BRIGSBY BEAR (also solely produced) have not set the coffers ablaze but have become beloved quirky classics that breed cults to exchange quotes, rave about these under-seen gems, and even campaign to create a spinoff in the form of a streaming TV series.
A POPSTAR sequel most likely wouldn’t be a cash cow (though stranger things have happened), but it would be a great addition to the comedy scene, another new crop of great songs, and a fun chance to skewer pop culture (including stuff that’s changed since the 2016 original). Since Conner’s story is wrapped up, there’s no reason to force a second outing with him; those rarely work and usually follow the horrific line of “I’m having those same troubles…AGAIN!” which is always death to comedy. Spinning off into a separate, but related, character within the same world allows for similar style jokes (absurd, musical, pop references, character-based humor) but avoiding most of the retread.
Enter Emma Stone as Claudia Cantrell.
In POPSTAR, she’s an established…well, pop star that brings in plucky young rapper Conner to help bolster her single “Turn Up The Beef”. It’s a great song, by the way, that’s equal parts catchy and bizarre. While Conner was the story of a musical group member going solo and becoming a chart-topping sensation, Claudia’s story can be a more familiar one to pop music lovers, especially in the past two decades: the child star turned pop icon.
Whether it’s Demi Lovato, Ariana Grande, Vanessa Hudgens, The Jonas Brothers, Keke Palmer, Zac Efron, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Zendaya, or current “it-girl” Olivia Rodrigo—there seems to be a steady pipeline from performers who star in Disney/Nickelodeon shows (usually where they sing and dance as well) and breaking out into recording stars as they mature into adulthood. This is enough of a cottage industry that it can be traced from the late ‘80s (The New Mickey Mouse Club and Kids, Inc. leading to Spears, Aguilera, Timberlake, Fergie, and more) all the way up to Rodrigo. It’s an established career path where a person spends the vast majority of their life, including very young and formative years, in the spotlight.
There’s also a lot to unpack within that trajectory. Most of them (specifically the ladies) have to walk the bizarre line of being constantly sexualized by others yet immediately being scolded if they choose to embrace their own sexuality. There’s the endless obsession over body issues and appearance, plus chasing fads before they become played out. There are the stage parents (#FreeBritney) who manage and control these performers for a long time; not all of them are monsters vicariously living dreams and leeching off their children, but there almost has to be a weird commingling of being a parent and being part of a business that is your kid. Also, something that always bugs me, is that female musicians are expected to sing well, usually write their own songs (or accept some amount of derision for not doing so), dance perfectly, constantly look great, rock amazing outfits…all while male performers usually just show up in jeans and t-shirt, bobbing along with lots of pointing instead of any real choreography.
And I know—nothing makes a comedy funnier than trying to tackle a bunch of relevant social issues. But Cantrell’s movie can also feature her fear of being overshadowed by some TikTok starlet, or a comparison to the Japanese Idol Group sensation, or seeing a bunch of her peers move on to serious/successful careers as actresses (and those that have bottomed out into Hallmark Christmas movies). But this POPSTAR spinoff would offer more occasions for a lot of fun music that could be new songs with contemporary sounds while retrospective ditties from the past few decades that mirror the en vogue tones of the time (dance hall, nü-metal, whatever else).
There’s lots of narrative possibilities that can be mined for hilarity and absurdity as well as occasions for brilliant spectacles. If people are needing more connective tissue with POPSTAR, this new entry can feature the DMZ reporters again (Will Arnett, Chelsea Peretti, Eric André, and Mike Birbiglia) following her story—although they themselves are looking worse for wear. All this plus a nice female perspective on the pop music scene, amazing wardrobe choices that can become instantly iconic for Halloween and/or Drag shows, and it would be a way to update from the concert/confessional films that POPSTAR mocked (JUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER was a big part of the marketing push of the original) and move into the more recent biographical/”intimate” looks that Lovato and Taylor Swift has put out.
So please, Lonely Island and Emma Stone—the world is ready for a new music mockumentary cult classic. We are ready for POPSTAR: ANOTHER STAR IS BORN ONE MORE TIME, TOO.