5 Franchises Improved With ALF
It’s time to bring back ALF…in non-pog form. Sure, he’s popped up here and there in the past few decades. A couple of commercials, the new NECA figure that looks amazing, that one time he guest starred as the voice of reason in Mr. Robot (no, seriously—that happened).
Admittedly, I’m biased to the charms of ALF because I loved that creature so much growing up. The ‘80s was rife with ALF merch, but also he had the sitcom and the cartoon…probably a cereal?…he was around a lot. But let’s be honest: our society has been in steep decline ever since the culture shifted away from the madman of Melmac. Our nations turn their lonely eyes to Paul Fusco’s creation/little person in a suit/puppet. It would be great to have ALF pop up in some capacity in one of the five franchises below, maybe just for one movie or one episode, but either way the small alien would make a big impact.
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY
Lay up, right? If Disney owned the rights to ALF, this would’ve 100% already happened. Hell, James Gunn just made GoBots real and part of the Marvel canon with The Guardians Of The Galaxy Holiday Special. This makes even more sense as another cosmic being they encounter. Sure, having two short, furry, sarcastic types may be a hat on a hat—but maybe ALF thinks Rocket is so close to a cat that Gordon Shumway will try to eat everyone’s favorite trash panda. Also, since Peter was abducted in 1988, he’d probably be familiar with the character (ALF ran from 1986 to 1990), and that could be a funny bit of hero worship and disillusionment. Also seeing ALF execute a three-point superhero landing would be thrilling.
The Mandalorian
Again, pretty obvious. But it would still be a pretty cool moment for Mando and Grogu to enter into some bizarre alien cantina or store on some rando planet and behind the counter stands everyone’s favorite Melmackian. His constant barbs and one-liners would bounce off the Mandolorian like blaster shots off his beskar armor. Glayven.
It hasn’t always (usually) worked when Star Wars has gone full into comedy. But it would be fun to have another hairy little creature around that wasn’t an Ewok, stirring up trouble even in a galaxy far far away. Or maybe Mando is tasked with bringing ALF in for a bounty so it can have a grim ending where ALF is executed and the whole episode is actually about how the prison industrial complex dehumanizes us all, even a beloved puppet manbeast.
Love Is Blind
Full transparency: I’ve never seen the show. But also—it’s not that difficult of a premise to wrap one’s head around. People don’t see each other while they romance one another and then oop! this is what they look like. Now pretend one of those potential lovers was revealed to be a little person in an ALF suit? Fully committed to the bit? Oh yeah, that would be amazing. ALF wants to go on a date with you and, most likely, have sexy time with you. Embrace the ALF, lovers.
Ted Lasso
Admittedly, this would be more of a cameo or recurring guest starring role than full member of the cast. But given Bill Lawrence’s penchant for fantasy sequences in his sitcoms (Scrubs), it wouldn’t be totally implausible for ALF to show up as some sort of spiritual guide in the mind of Ted as he navigates some sort of moral quandary. The higher pitched midwestern accent delivering pleasantries and positivity would match well against the baritone gruffness of a jokester alien. ALF could be Ted’s id, or maybe something representing his childhood, or a bunch of other possibilities. All I know is that it would be heartbreaking to have a moment where ALF fades away as Ted no longer needs him or something, a real tender “Winnie The Pooh and Christopher Robin” moment that will leave millions of unsuspecting watchers in tears. You know I’m right!
THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS
One of the themes of both the ALF and FAST AND FURIOUS franchises is family. Specifically the families we make the the ties we forge that transcend blood, species, and various models of cars. Would this ever happen? Of course not. But F9: THE FAST SAGA did go to space, so we’re already opening up that possibility. The franchise itself has oodles of possibility and is very flexible to new directions, it just needs a tight knit crew that drives around in some dope automobiles.
Plus how great would it be to have all that macho posturing of Vin Diesel and others and then this little puppet is wandering past them all, making awful car puns while drinking a Corona. I can practically see Gordon Shumway in a driver’s seat of some suped-up muscle car, talking to the other Fast Furies (he would absolute make a “Fast and Furry-ous” joke, by the way) as they pull off some impossible stunt. God I just want to see that diminutive Melmackian hauling ass in some amazing automobile while Tyrese is suitably dumbstruck by the whole thing.
