ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE (1990)
Something that starts out cute but then gets tedious for movie fans is noticing how often 1968’s NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD shows up in horror films. When there needs to be some other scary flick on in the background of a scene that is noticeable, but filmmakers can’t pay too much for licensing, they use Romero’s classic. This is because it is in the public domain (for all sorts of bizarre legal reasons and fuckups that are more interesting in theory than practice to go through), meaning the director of (fictional film) HOORAY FOR HOLLYWEIRD doesn’t have to pay to use it but still gets the cultural cache of NOTLD.
That’s a fun and fair way for filmmakers to show horror movies exist and also wink to those artists that came before, right? Yes, it starts out that way. But currently IMDb lists that NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD has appeared in 362 titles. I beg of you, genre auteurs: use other works found in the public domain (of which there are many). Not only will you get all of the benefits of NOTLD but you stand out from the rest of the flock that shows that one image of the zombie on the tombstone looking up as lightning strikes. Romero made a genius film, but man am I tired of that one shot showing up in picture after picture after picture. So what does this have to do with the holidays? And what does NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and Christmas have to do with 1990’s ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE? In both cases, the answer is “not much”!
ABRAXAS is a 1990 action/sci-fi movie from writer/director Damian Lee that, as it turns out, is also in the public domain. This is why it shows up in multiple riffing worlds and can be incorporated into various visual presentations without any fear of legal repercussion. The plot concerns space cop Abraxas (Jesse Ventura) trying to defeat his ex-space cop partner Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen) from activating the “anti-life equation” (we’ll get to it) that lives in the brain of a child on Earth. Abraxas doesn’t just seek to thwart his power mad former friend, but also defend the kid, Tommy (Francis Mitchell), and his mother, Sonia (Marjorie Bransfield), rather than simply terminate them as an end run around Secundus’ evil plans. For more backstory, here’s a shirtless Jesse Ventura in bed telling the story to Tommy. Enjoy and feel weird.
ABRAXAS is not the first to combine various (and obvious) elements from previous works, but does try to use them all in service of a new story. It botches that attempt at synthesis, but Lee’s film tries. It’s also curious how much this all connects with TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY (considering Thorsen and Schwarzenegger are very good friends…chances are they knew of each other’s projects). A musclebound mystery man shows up to help a woman and her son against a very similar outsider threat due to the potential of the kid, while wreaking havoc with the local authorities due to their advanced technology and commitment to war. James Cameron’s sequel came out in July 1991 while ABRAXAS barged its way into our world in December 1990.
Cameron was definitely working on T2 before the cameras rolled on ABRAXAS, and so this no budget sci-fi actioner was trying to anticipate and cash in on what plot points the filmmakers knew. Or James Cameron is a massive fraud who owes Damian Lee a big fat check. Teach the controversy!
Of course the references/connections/thefts don’t stop with T2. ABRAXAS also blatantly boasts:
The Anti-Life Equation is the literal name of the cosmic McGuffin Darkseid seeks out to destroy worlds and rule the universe in the Fourth World mythos of DC Comics.
Not just the second TERMINATOR movie, but also the first entry gets a “shoutout” with a badass man in a trenchcoat suddenly showing up to protect an unsuspecting human woman due to her child against a threat he knows all too well.
As part of being space cops, Abraxas and Secundus are issued “answer boxes” which are basically “mother boxes” from the Fourth World mythos that can analyze objects, connect with other technology, and so on and so forth. Plus offer up a sassy sidekick providing Abraxas with many opportunities to quip.
There’s a cameo from James Belushi as Principal Rick Lattimer, Belushi’s titular character from THE PRINCIPAL. This isn’t really an example of theft, it just steps up a very stupid shared cinematic universe that should be exploited by more people in future films. (Belushi has his one awful scene because he was dating/married to Bransfield at the time)
Fucking weird, right? Lee created a film that touches on a bunch of entertainment that came before (and oddly presaged stuff that came after it). Another example is that the song “Strong As I Am” by The Prime Movers plays during a climactic scene.
It’s unlikely you know that song…unless you’re a big fan of Michael Mann’s 1986 film, MANHUNTER. That tune is used as the soundtrack for Francis Dolarhyde “ascending”, becoming the Red Dragon. Which means that ABRAXAS connects not just with Mann’s work but also the larger world of Hannibal Lecter. (To be fair to Lee, it’s used poorly and incongruously in both movies)
These all combine to create the sort of intersection of pop culture that one would find in Tarantino, Wes Anderson, and more. And that will be the only time in history that ABRAXAS is compared to the works of those two auteurs.
And, credit where it’s due, the Christmas setting is a smart (and subtle) bit to the story. Maybe it was just out of necessity for cheapest cost of shooting in Ontario in the winter, but whatever the reason for the season, it is a clever (if obvious) juxtaposition between the nativity and this powerful child (known as “The Culmator” which…no). The trappings of the holiday aren’t as blatant as a Shane Black movie, but also not as pushed to the side as ROBOCOP 3, either. That medium, mediocre level that is basically ABRAXAS’ comfort zone. It’s worth noting that Sonia was impregnated with Tommy not through sex but Secundus’ glowing hand (which rushed the pregnancy from nine months to about five minutes of screentime), further making him a (n anti-) Christ-like figure. Layers upon layers in ABRAXAS!
There is a fight next to a Christmas tree, talk of inviting people over for Christmas music, a few carols, some random decorations…in a movie with the main characters screaming at each other during horribly choreographed fighting and sometimes random explosions occurring just to make it seem like something interesting is happening…this Christmas seasoning is a surprising subtle touch that actually serves a purpose. Good job, ABRAXAS!
None of this is meant as an endorsement for ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE. The movie is cobbling of sloppy stunt work, horrific acting, terrible attempts at comedy, and an overly borrowed mythology.
But…there is more in that unwrapped box than just the turd of the present. There are plenty of unintentionally hilarious moments that stems from Thorsen trying his best to mumble out his lines while also looking like he just ate a big bowl of bath salts. Ventura is so wooden and honestly doofy looking that it does suggest he’s an alien, but as a side effect of being really terrible at seeming human.
And to be totally fair to Lee’s movie, Ventura and Thorsen—even with all of their massive issues as performers—do have chemistry. They’ve appeared in multiple films together, including PREDATOR and THE RUNNING MAN, and do have a good rhythm while they poorly deliver terrible dialogue. Is it enough to convince viewers they were partners for thousands of years? No. But it is still deserving of recognition and praise. I guess.
ABRAXAS has awful lighting (made worse by the fact that no one has remastered it, basically abandoning it to stagnate in the public domain in its 1990 VHS form), lopsided pacing, cliched characters that are not engaging, pretty weak visuals and settings, and awkward fights that mostly consist of two beefcakes throwing lousy haymakers or attempting to wrestle one another to the ground.
In case I have not made it clear—ABRAXAS is a bad film.
But there are still aspects that are clever and bits that are well done, and while the lighting is terrible, the sound remains in synch and there’s no jarring random edits. Which is to say, compared to movies that lack all of those charms and boast all of those technical misfirings, it is not the worst movie ever. And that’s the gift ABRAXAS bestows to the world (that and its sick prog-rock album cover of a poster): perspective.
People make “Worst Films Of The Year” lists but they are always bullshit, easy pickings and obvious targets of studio fare. Cynical capitalism is a sin, but there are worse made movies out there. People just need to watch more. Any time something is declared “the worst”, it usually means folks need to watch more or wade through that world a bit deeper to get a real appreciation for how much worse things can get.
1989’s THINGS is awful; with a decent argument to be made that it is one of the worst movies ever due to its incomprehensible plot, awful cinematography, poor sound mixing, dreadful pacing, inept (and probably improvised) dialogue, and more. But there is something to that egotistical “I have a vision and I’m gonna make this movie and it’ll be awesome” drive that director Andrew Jordan and co-writer Barry J. Gillis had that marks all “so bad it’s good” titles and which instills personality into their repugnant mess of a movie. So even that film—which again, is tedious and stupid and ugly—has positive elements.
Though it obviously wasn’t Lee’s intention to create a film that highlights subjectivity and perspective to avoid superlative declarations, ABRAXAS makes a strong case for it.
Bad pieces of entertainment can still have good parts to it. Great pieces of art can still have flaws. Nothing is infallible and no work is perfect. Again, this is no way the point of ABRAXAS or even really part of the story, BUT…Secundus was a great space cop until he went rogue, and his horrible actions brought a wonderful child into the world; Abraxas is a dutiful space cop, but disobeys by not killing Tommy or Sonia and by dispatching Secundus (there’s a lot of bizarre and forced rules about space cops not being able to kill former space cops…spoiler alert, he dead at the end). There’s good in the villain and ‘bad’ in the hero. They can be mostly marked by their noble deeds or their monstrous acts, but there’s no reason to make wide-sweeping statements that dismiss any nuance.
So instead of declaring the movie you enjoyed to be the best ever or that director whose work you loathe to be the worst who commits crimes against humanity, step back. Think about Jesse Ventura naked in bed talking to a little boy. Think about ABRAXAS.
This undercooked turkey is in the public domain and for many that may be a sign of ill repute, a sort of ‘bargain bin’ of forgotten, misfit movies. But, as so many goddamn horror films are quick to exploit, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD is in that group.
So is THE BROTHER FROM ANOTHER PLANET, HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, CHARADE, CARNIVAL OF SOULS, ALICE SWEET ALICE, and many more genuinely good titles. Painting with a wide brush and making everything the “most” of some category (best, worst, funniest, whatever) serves no one but forces unnecessary binaries. So thank you, ABRAXAS, for the Christmas gift of perspective and realizing that things are often more complicated than a tweet allows it to seem.
And now, in its entirety, ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE: