ROBOCOP 3 (1993)
‘Twas The ROBOCOP At Christmas
ROBOCOP 3 was directed by Fred Dekker, best known for THE MONSTER SQUAD and NIGHT OF THE CREEPS. While ROBOCOP 3 is considered a failure by many, it still has its own absurd, over-the-top charm. Rip Torn steals the show as the exasperated OCP CEO. Robocop flies. ED-209 is now a guard dog. The child protagonist is so cute you want to vomit while Stephen Root breaks your heart at Christmas. There are also samurai ninja robots. Yes, you read that correctly, “Samurai. Ninja. Robots.” How could the film miss with all of this going for it?!?
Unfortunately, ROBOCOP 3 suffers greatly under a PG-13 rating. With most of the violence happening off screen or being non graphic, the third movie fails to impart any kind of gravitas even with the implication that many people are being massacred. The film is heavy with multiple social justice themes, but none are given any real depth or enough screen time to establish any palpable emotional connection. Instead, the movie feels like a traditional two-dimensional western where the lone hero rides in to help the locals take back their town from bandits, except it’s urban and futuristic.
This is not to say the adventure isn’t fun. It is, as long as you aren’t expecting the emotional depth and gore of the first film or the chaotic drug-fueled ‘90s fever dream of the second.
Aside from all of this, it is also a clear attempt to solidify Robocop as a beloved childhood hero complete with his own upgradable toy line. What kid doesn’t want a cyborg action figure with a flying jetpack and detachable arm cannon!
While Nancy Allen returns (coughcoughbrieflycoughcough) as Lewis, Peter Weller did not come back for another jaunt in the robosuit. Robert John Burke (THINNER) plays Officer Murphy instead and does okay, but feels even more mechanical than a robot should be. The rest of the cast is full of talented folks and character actors like the aforementioned Torn and Root, Mako, Daniel von Bargen, CCH Pounder, and a cameo by Shane Black! This much talent with a script by Dekker and Frank Miller (yep, Frank “Dark Knight Returns/SIN CITY/300” Miller) has so much promise but remains a bit of a misfire for a variety of reasons.
For all its flaws, one of the best things about ROBOCOP 3 is that it takes place during the Christmas season. While it is not part of the plot or mentioned, audiences do see Christmas decorations throughout the environment, and there is even a scene where Christmas music is playing. Why is this so great, you ask? The answer is simple. It opens the door to the idea of Robocop as some future version of Santa, much like in Futurama, except not evil.
In fact, when you boil the plot of the third movie into a folklore tale, it sounds a lot more interesting than the movie ended up being. To argue this point further, I parodied Clement Clarke Moore’s “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” so readers can get a glimpse of how magnificent a Robocop Santa would be.
I will never turn my nose up at anything in the ROBOCOP universe before 2014. And, even though ROBOCOP 3 is the weakest in that link, it will still always be a fun and worthwhile watch during the Christmas season. I can only hope that the next reiteration of Robocop is a Santa one. In a world where we have self-driving cars and billionaires in space while many don’t have healthcare or can afford their rent…this dystopian “future” isn’t too far off.
